Sorry Babe. It Ain’t Gonna Happen

So as you may have heard Tom Brady and his wife Gisele are getting a divorce. Already she and I have been linked together, thanks in no part to this photo she recently published.

It ain't gonna happen and here are the reasons why:

1. She's like 5'11. I'm 5'9 standing on a stack of pro football fantasy league magazines which is also my preferred platform for love-making and booty shaking.

2. If she didn't like the amount of time Tom was putting into football, she definitely isn't ready for someone like me who is sports 25/8/366. Sure I'd make time for the above mentioned activities, but ball is life, babe.

3. On the rare instances we would be able to attend social functions that she would want to attend, I would be the one stealing the limelight. Women love me, men want to be like me. I can't help it. As Popeye said, 'I yam what I yam'.

4. She ain't my type. There I said it but sorry Gisele, you just don't do it for me. Sure she's beautiful but to say that a guy is spending too much time involved with sports while you take the PJ from mansion to mansion and go on lavish vacations thanks to his dedication and craft seems ungrateful to me. Maybe you can find a non sports fan at MSM or Mannford.

So there you have it. The rumors are false. I am not the object of Gisele's affection, infatuation or whatever else she may be saying about us. I got too much to do covering and providing insight to Jacket athletics and signing new SofaKing athletes.